FORGIVE

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.......

ambulance or police

One night wife woke her husband in the middle of the night and told
him "There is a burglar downstairs in the kitchen and he is eating the
cake that my mother made for us.
The husband asked, "who shall I call, the police
or an ambulance?..

wat u will be in rebirth

Man What do you want to become in your next life?
Friend : A cockroach.
Man: Why?
Friend : Because my wife only fears from cockroach.!!!

misunderstanding ...

Teacher: what is difference between misunderstanding and truth?
Student: You are teaching us , this is truth but we are learning that is
your misunderstanding..

stop ....

Three boys were going on a motor cycle. policeman gives hand to stop.
One boy shouted stay away, we already three on one bike, where you will sir???!!!

what an idea ...

A man approaches to a beautiful woman in a Hypermarket:
"Miss, please, I lost my wife in the store. Would you mind if I talk to you for a few minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears from nowhere."

light dinner ...

A patient standing below a tube light with an openmouth.................
WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Tonight's dinner should be light"

future tense ...

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Student : The future tense is "you will go to jail".

naughty student ..

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec
a women gives birth to a kid.
A naughty student stands up- we must find & stop her!

over 18 ....

Nineteen ladies went for a movie.
On asking them why they came in a big group of Nineteen.
They Replied that the movie was only for the people ABOVE Eighteen !!!

oooops

A Boy on DATE witha girl in BMW car..
Boy: Sweet Heart,I hide something from you...
Girl : Tello..
Boy:I am already Married..
Girl:Ohh,You scared me..I thought , this BMW is not Your !!!!!!

jokeeeeee

Father: Dear son This time you have to gain at least 95% marks..
Son: No dad , I will gain 100% this time..
Father: :why r you making a joke.
Son: Who started first …..?????

love for bill .. :)

Boy : I love You....
Girl : I don't..
Boy : think again..
girl : no,i don;t..
boy : waiter get two separate bills for lunch..
girl : i love you a lot..I am saying this for fun..my love , pl don't take little things at heart..:)

marriage-cost??

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

popular ads

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

brilliant answer

Wife asked : What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?
Husband : Lunch and Dinner..

good wife can balance the life

beggar son

1st person :I have three sons.. two are engineers and one could not study and become beggar..
2nd person : Then kick him out of home!!!
1st person : How can i...??? only he earns......

take up the challenge

teacher:what is the different between
problem and challenge????
STUDENT:3boys+1girl=problem
1boy+3girls=challenge..

liver - kidney issue

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

what to do ? :-o

First Lady:-My husband's hair color is Black,So i will wear Black Dress for tomorrow Party.
Second Lady:-My husband's hair color is Yellow,So i will wear yellow Dress for tomorrow Party.
Third Lady questioned:My Husband is bald,So what should I ???!!!

problem :(

Son asked to father: Why was the math book sad?
Father replied :Because it had too many problems.

door bell

A lady calls man for repairing door bell.
Man doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again,
Man replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell, but no one comes out.

dirty joke ...

X:Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Y: Ok
X: A white horse fell in the mud.

god is clever ..

Man asked to God - Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man - So that you love them.
Man asked to God - But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man - So that they love you..

fathers driving cars

1st boy - my father drives the car so fast that some people fly away.
2nd boy - my father drives the car so fast that the people run away.
3rd boy - my father drives the car so fast that the car is in garage and father in hospital.

girls 420 ...

Girls r 70%
Beauty
Girls r 75%
Sweet
Girls r 85%
Naughty
Girls r 90%
Cute
Girls r 100%
Lovely
Total
70+75+85+90+100 = 420

clever - daughter

Daughter - I will not go to school
mom - why so???
Daughter - mom teacher doesn't know any thing..
mom - how can you that???
Daughter- yesterday she taught that 9-4 = 5,but today she taught 6-1=5

:-o enough children ...

I asked to my friend: should women have kids after 35??
Friend said: No, 35 are enough kids..

teacher - student

Student to teacher," Are 'pants' singular or plural?"
Teacher, "They're singular on top and plural on the bottom."

stop the time

If time doesn't wait for you..
Don't worry!!
just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life!!
great people,great thoughts!!!!

april fool .. dont be a fool

On 1st April stupid man traveling in bus.
Conductor asked for ticket and he gave the money..
then said: April fool.. I already have pass!!!

interview...

Man on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question -
Interviewer - Who killed Gandhi ji ?
Man- Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.

how to kill a bird

How did stupid tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

how do u do???

An Englishman and Indian inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Indian: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

Husband-wife.

Wife: Should i tell you one thing but pleas don't slap me...
Hus: OK,Tell..
wife : I am pregnant..
Hus :Its good news,why were you fearing
Wife :I told the same before marriage,father slapped me !!!!!

Boyfriend-Girlfriend.

Girl : "I want to end our relationship,I am going to return you everything you gave me.."
Boy : "Okay then,Let's start with Kisses..!!!"

Dont ask date of birth in interview ...

interviewee; what is your date of birth?
Man: Nov 28.
interviewer; which year?
Man; Stupid, ,every year!!!.

little attention...

Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention here?

Student: yes mam, I am paying as little attention as i can. !!

father - son

Father to son:
whenever i beat you,
you don't get annoyed,
how you control your anger?
son: i start cleaning the toilet.
seat with your toothbrush

Lecturer is greater than mother ...

First Student: Lecturer is always greater as compare to Mother..
Second student: How??
First student : Because a mother can put only one child to sleep, but a lecturer can put
whole classroom to sleep !!!

miser ....

One miser's home caught fire and he is giving miss call to fire officer.. :) :)

cell theft ....

One day a man goes to the market,Someone snatch's his cell and run away.
Man follows him, but snatcher runs faster...,
Man shouts at him"Take it you donkey,but its charger is with me..!!!!"" ........

employer..

Employer : We need some one for this Job, who is Responsible.
Applicant : Sir, your search ends here, in my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I am Responsible....

hope.

whenever you fall down never lose hope!!
gather your courage and strength and
get up and say: Hey, one more peg Please..!!! :-)

on dog..

A men goes to sell his dog..
Buyer asked him,"Is your dog Faithful"???
He replied, "Yes ,very much,I sold him three times ,but it returns to me back"!!!!

enjoying Sunday..

Husband to wife: today is Sunday, I have to Enjoy..
Wife: How?
Husband : I have got three movie tickets..
wife: but we are two, why three tickets??
husband : One for you, and two tickets for your parents !!!!

side effects..

A men was cutting side of capsule before taking it.
His Friend ask him why are you doing so????
He replied:-"TO AVOID SIDE EFFECTS"....!!!!