Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Happy 61st republic day
know what is what
What these words on yearly performance reviews really mean:
OUTGOING PERSONALITY – Always going out of the office
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS – Spends lots of time on phone
ACTIVE SOCIALLY – Drinks a lot
INDEPENDENT WORKER – Nobody knows what he/she does
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY – Too ugly to get a date
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS – Gets someone else to do it
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES – Is tall or has a louder voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT – Lucky
CAREER MINDED – Back stabber
LOYAL – Can’t get a job anywhere else
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION – Gets to work on time
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL – Speaks English
RELAXED ATTITUDE – Sleeps at desk
thank god
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?
“No” replied the trainee.
“It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!”
The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?”
“No!” replied the Managing Director angrily.
“Thank God!” replied the trainee and kept the phone down…..
marketing lessons
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I am very rich. Marry me!” That’s Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, “He’s very rich. Marry him.” That’s Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me.” That’s Telemarketing.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m rich. Marry me” She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That’s Customer Feedback.
government employee
A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes.
“I’d love an ice-cold beer right now,” he told the genie.
Poof! A beer appeared.
Next, the man said, “I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women.”
Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him.
“Oh, man this is the life,” the guy thought. “I wish I never had to work again.”
And poof! He was back at his desk in the government office!
factory worker what a concept
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.
Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men?
Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?“
“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied.
“It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell at them.”
heavy letter :-O
Post Master in a post office told to a woman,”You have to put another stamp on this letter as it is too heavy.
The woman replied, “How would an extra stamp make it lighter.”
secret
A very successful partner in a big firm had a peculiar habit. He would go to his desk everyday, open a locked drawer, look inside, lock the drawer again, and start his work. This continued for many days.
His subordinates knew that he hid the secret of his success in the drawer, they waited for the opportunity.
Then, one day when the partner had gone out of the city, the juniors decided to make a break.
They broke into the drawer, breathlessly, and looked inside. There was one small piece of paper inside - it said - “Left is debit and right is credit.”
whats the differenece
A man went to face an interviewer. Board of Directors asked him, “Tell the difference between “COMPLETE” and “FINISH”.
The man replied, I am clarifying with the example, “When u marry a right person you are “Complete” and when you marry the wrong one you are “Finish”.
increase salary
One employee told his boss, “Sir, Increase my salary, I got married recently.”
The boss replied, “The Company cannot compensate for the accidents happened outside of the company.”
lazy haaaa
A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.
“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up.”
Nine hands went up.
“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man.
“Feeling too much lazy”, came the reply.
confidential fax
Manager: “Do you know anything about this fax-machine?”
Staff: “A little. What’s wrong sir?”
Manager: “Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened.”
Staff: “How did you load the sheet?”
Manager: “I didn’t want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it.”