Happy new year

I wish you all a happy and prosperous new year 2010 ....

worried

Husband and Wife goes to a hotel,
one lady said 'hello' to her husband..
Wife: who was she??
Husband: Pls don't bother me, i m already tensed as she will ask the same question to me!!!

cry

X:Why are you crying?
Y: The elephant is dead.
X: Was he your pet?
Y: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.

fooool

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice

forget it :-o

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

everest gift

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!

stupid

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.

perfect match

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.

abbrivate WIFE

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever

problem

Man to doctor: I have one problem..
Dr.: what?
Man: I can't see the person whom i am talking..
Dr: when you face this problem??
Man: while talking on the phone. !!!

wise criminal

Police: You will be dead by tomorrow at 5am.
Criminal: ha ha ha..
Police: why are you laughing??
Criminal: I get up at 9 in the morning..

carefulness

In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but, as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom.
To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I SPIT IN THE SOUP".
When he returned, he found another message on napkin: "ME, TOO".

precaution

Girl said boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The boy replies: Thanks for the warning.

i will give and share

Girlfriend: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, problems and
lighten your burden.
Boyfriend: It's very good darling, But I dont any worries or troubles.
Girlfriend: Well that's because we aren't married yet..

wise

A Foolish man tells a woman to stop talking ,
but a wise and smart man tells her that she looks extremely beautiful and gorgeous,when her lips are closed..!!

gift :-(

Mr Joy: I sent 200 kisses check to my wife on her birthday as i was out of pocket.

Friend: good, so what she did??

Mr. Joy: Bank manager en cash that check !!!

inexpensive

wife : We are very poor, there is nothing good.
husband: but dear, there is one thing good about being Poor.
wife : what??
husband: It is Inexpensive.!!!

true

will this ever going to be true??

1) Two Idiots are playing chess

2) Two Women are sitting quiet.

3) Girl Friend are paying the bill…!!!

want to listen more???

you are intelligent..

coke bottle finger

husband: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
wife: Yes darling I still do, only difference is earlier it was 300ml and now it's 1.5 ltr.

finished

Father: dear son, a man is incomplete until he is married.
Son; after that?
Father: Finished !!!

two wheeler parking

Once man was removing his two wheel his car.
someone asked him: what are you doing??
man: can't you see the board, "Parking for two wheelers only."!!!

trouble to god

Once, man's wife dead..
after two day there was storm , heavy rain comes..
husband said: i think she reached to god..!!

punishment

Student: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Student: thanks mam, because i didn't do my homework.

worries

Man: I sometime get surprised.
Friend: why?
Man: Despite the Old saying tah “don't Take Your Troubles & Worries To Bed”
Most of the People still sleep with their wives!!!

who is thief?

Boy: mom, today my friend is coming home..
Pls remove all the toys..
Mom: your friend is a thief??
Boy: No, he will identify his toys...

so late..

Man: Why do you take your wife to night clubs only?
friend: By the time she gets ready no other place is open.!!

how far

two friends were talking,
1st:How much the land is far from here?
2nd:1 kilo meter.
1st man jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
2nd: Downwards !

pitty :(

A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad a news and a worse news for you".
"what's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."
That's terrible," said the patient.
"How can the news possibly be worse?"
The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

sympathy :-(

Groom: Father, I have found a woman just like my mother.
Father: then what do you want from me, sympathy??

why late?

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

share ...

boyfriend: I want to share everything with you.
girlfriend: Let's start from your bank account.

starts with i

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the.... ( not completed yet)
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

husband wife

Husband: we have six child and i ll call you mother five.
Wife: o.k, then i will also call you father of three !!

how to reach a heart

girl asked fer friend: what is the fastest way to man's heart?
Friend: with a sharp knife, through his chest !!!

vampaire vs jailer

1st criminal: what is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
2nd criminal relies: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

mom at home but not i am...

Salesman to a kid: is your mother home,
kid replied: yes.
Salesman: rang the bell four time, but no one comes out.
Salesman asked kid: you said she is at home??
Kid: yes, she is at home , but it is not a place where i live.

which water?

Customer: Is the water you serve here healthy?
Waiter: Yes sir, we use only well water.(water from a well)

cracking ....

Man at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing
is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!

how much salary?

A man was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!

ha :-o

boyfriend; am i the first man you have ever loved ?
girlfriend; of course yes honey, why do men ask the same question?

right ring in wrong finger

Mr Jack: You are wearing your marriage ring in wrong finger..
Mr. Swan replied: Yes, because i married to a wrong woman !!

right ring in wrong finger

Mr Jack: You are wearing your marriage ring in wrong finger..
Mr. Swan replied: Yes, because i married to a wrong woman !!

which part?

Interviewer: Where you born?
Candidate: in California.
Interviewer: which part?
Candidate: All of mine.

cheap gift ....

girlfriend; It's my birthday, where is my gift??
boyfriend; Today, I offer you myself..
girlfriend; am sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

phone call ...

Mother to daughter: Good, you talk on phone just for half an hour, instead of two hour.
Daughter: that was wrong number, mom !!

expire date ...

Wife: Sweet heart..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...??
You've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

ring ...

Married man says to his bachelor friend, "

marriage a three ring circus ...
Bachelor asked: how??
Married man: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering "

very funny

Boy: My Father's name is laughing and my mother name is smiling.
Teacher: You must be kidding...
Boy: No, that's my brother I am joking...

thief

A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife.
She whispers, “I think there’s a thief in the house.”
“Yes, dear,” her half-awake husband mumbles. “But in our defense, there are even more in the Senate.”

school days

Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?